Harry Potter and the Fabulous Get Together
by alBBie
Summary: Every character I can think of together in one room. Finally... Ch 6: Catfights, lightsabers, and anacondas. R&R another result of my ADD.
1. Spaz Attack

**Summary: **Basically, Dumbledore decides one morning that he wants to invite every single character from everything to a party to get them all together. He also invites his good friend Jimmy Singer to host a confrontational and confessional talk show... thing. Probably won't get many reviews, but I'll continue anyway because I like to write stories that just babble on and that I hope are funny.

**A/N: **TV shows/movies/books I'll include try to characters from at least once in (list probably not completely... complete...): Harry Potter (duh), Degrassi, American Dreams, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Lord of the Rings, Cruel Intentions, Spiderman, Gossip Girl, Everwood, Fushigi Yuugi, Ceres, Fruits Basket, Cowboy Bebop, Darren Shan series (yes, I know those books are for little kids but they're so intense!)...

**Dislcaimer: **I own THE WORLD! Bwhahahaha... that was a really lame joke... (I don't own anything... sob)

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It was very cold oustide. The trees were shivering. It was a good thing that the giant squid decided to take his vacation to Hawaii that week; otherwise he would have frozen his tentacles off.

But inside the students were milling about the Dining Hall, waiting for the other guests to arrive. Today was going to be a fun day. Or at least, that's what Dumbledore had told them. And they generally believed everything that came out of his bearded mouth.

Suddenly a gigantically loud gong noise rang through the room. It was very loud. Hermione covered her ears, Harry fell over, and Ron ate his earwax. He spat into a spittoon a few seconds later.

Dumbledore jumped up from his seat across the room from the Three With the Damaged Ears and then flew up onto a stage and spoke into a magic microphone.

"That gong has just announced the arrival of our first guests! Everyone get ready!" he said with a cheery smile and a maniacal twinkle in his eye.

The students held their breath as they turned their heads in slow motion to the door. They (the students) were all sitting at different round tables covered in white tablecloths around the Dining Hall. At one end of the room there was a stage with lots of chairs set up on it. That's where the Jerry Springer-like Jimmy Singer shows were going to be held.

Anyhoo, back to the boring story that will get better; everyone was still all spun around slowly to see who was entering. Soon they could see a toe and then a heel- things were still in slow-mo- and then a knee and finally the whole body had stepped into the room.

It was Paige! Soon followed by Hazel pushing a crippled Jimmy in his wheelchair, Spinner flirting with Manny, Craig being a deformed turtle version of Adam Brody, and Ashley being stupid. Then came JT looking sexy, with a not-so-sexy Toby behind him. The one, two, three... nine of them stood in the entrance of the Dining Hall looking slightly confused. There was silence for a minute as the fingers hooted and the owls tapped themselves on the immaculately white tablecloths. Then everyone got up and bombarded the cast. Because everyone loves Degrassi.

But what they didn't realize was that Emma, Sean, Jay, Alex, Ellie, and Marco (phew, there are lots of people in Degrassi!) were all missing! Gasp! If they had stepped right outside the Dining Hall they would have noticed, though.

Ellie had entered the building, her arms intertwined with Marco's. Sean was storming in behind her, fuming. She was supposed to be dating HIM not MARCO! They were supposed to have BROKEN UP because he (Marco) is GAY! Behind Sean was Emma, chasing after him.

(**A/N: **Poo. I seem to have forgotten what happened on the American season finale of Degrassi. I just remember that Sean said he was going to live with his parents and Ellie got sad and then they all drove away with Jay and Alex. But why was Emma staring at him out of the car window...? Oh well. Imagination time!)

"Sean, wait!" Emma said, standing dramatically in the middle of the Entrance Hall. She did a lot of dramatic standing in the middle of hallways.

Sean turned around with a grumpy look on his face. His hairy eyebrow wiggled.

"Sean, we need to talk," Emma said, the tension so thick you could cut it with a guillotine. "I have something very important to tell you." She took a dramatic breath dramatically. "Your eyebrow is crawling across your face."

Sean gasped. Someone had discovered his secret: his eyebrows weren't really eyebrows. They were caterpillars! But honestly, who couldn't figure that out? No one's eyebrow's are that hairy naturally.

He picked up his eyebrow/caterpillar and placed it on his eyebrow bone thing. There.

"God, Emma, is that all you wanted to say?" He ground his teeth. He did a lot of that in the season finale. "I'm going through a hard time right now, not to mention my girlfriend is pissed at me and hanging out with a gay guy! Jeez!" He whimpered and turned on his heel before stomping off. (**A/N: **I have nothing against gay people!)

"But I want to be your girlfriend," Emma said dramatically under her breath. Luckily Sean didn't hear because he was too busy storming off dramatically into the Dining Hall.

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Alex and Jay had threatened to punch a little fourth year really hard if he didn't tell them the charm to crawl into a ceiling, so the little kid reluctantly gave in. They used the charm and put a disgusting concoction into various areas of the ceiling, rigging them to drop on their cue. Hopefully no one would shoot anyone this time, though.

Happy with what they had done, Alex and Jay entered the Dining Hall with smug smiles on their faces. They went straight to the buffet table at the command of their growling stomachs. Besides, what else were they going to do? Hang out with "the boy who lived", his friend who spat earwax into a spittoon, and his other friend who had bad hair and gignormous teeth? No way in Degrassi Hell. They'd go torture them later.

Luckily for them, the boy who lived and his hairy, earwaxy friends were having a good enough time talking to Spinner, Paige, Jimmy, and Hazel. Dean, Seamus, and Ginny were there too.

"So why are you in a wheelchair?" Ginny asked ignorantly, not realizing that Jimmy might be a little bit sensitive about what happened to him.

"I got shot," Jimmy responded.

Hazel's eyes visibly teared up. Hmm... I wonder if they could _not_ visibly tear up...

"I had a really weird dream last night," Hermione told everyone. "There was this really hot guy, and he was standing in a hallway. Then these girls appeared and they started screaming "jub!" and then he ran away from them. And they chased him."

"What's a "jub"?" Ginny wondered aloud.

Hermione shrugged.

"Wow, this party totally sucks," Paige whispered loudly to Hazel.

"I know. How can these people be so rude to Jimmy?" Hazel asked astonishedly.

Paige scoffed. "I'm going to get something to eat." She tromped off in her ugly shoes.

Hermione spotted Emma sitting sullenly in a corner and decided she would see what was wrong.

"Hi, I'm Hermione," she announced, sitting on a chair next to Emma.

Emma looked up. "Emma," she grumbled.

"What's wrong?"

Emma sighed dramatically. Everything Emma does is dramatic.

"Nothing. You wouldn't understand." She pouted.

"Why not?" Hermione was slightly offended at Emmas blunt but dramatic remark.

Emma sighed dramatically. "See that guy over there?"

It was Sean. Oh my goodness, what a surprise.

"That guy with the eyebrow crawling across his face?"

"Yeah."

Hermione nodded.

"Well, we used to be dating and then he started dating that girl." She pointed to Ellie. "But now he and Ellie- that's her name- are fighting and my feelings for Sean- the caterpillar-eyebrow kid- are returning. Oh, what do I do?!" With that she started sobbing uncontrollably into Hermione's shoulder.

"It's okay, Emma," Hermione said, patting her head lightly. "I think you should tell Sean the truth."

"I-I-I-hic-I've tried," Emma sobbed. "But he's obsessed w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-with Ellie- HIC"

"Ssssh... don't try and talk; it's breaking your vocal chords," Hermione advised.

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"Ellie, we need to talk," Sean said through gritted teeth. He was angry partly at Ellie and partly at his left eye catarpillar, Stinky.

Ellie sighed depressedly. "What, Sean?" she responded, turning away from Marco to face him.

He stuck Stinky back on his eyebrow bone thing so roughly he almost squished him. "I don't like you spending so much time with Marco!"

"We're just friends, Sean, you know that," she responded depressedly.

"Look, Ellie, I know your upset about this whole thing between me and my parents, but you have to understand that they're my parents and I need to live with them," Sean explained angrily through gritted teeth.

Ellie frowned before turning on her plastic black heel and stomping depressedly off in a storm of rubber bands, red side ponytails, and black eye makeup. Everything Ellie did was done depressedly. Just like Emma was dramatic. And Sean was angry with gritted teeth. Phew.

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"You know, Ron, that girl sort of looks like you," Harry said to his friend as he (Harry) hid his joint from view as Snape strolled greasily by and as he (Ron) spat more earwax into his golden spittoon.

"Who? That chick. No way." Ron was looking at Manny. "She's too hot to look like me."

"No, you douchebag, _that_ girl." Harry pointed at Ellie pouting depressedly in a corner.

"Well, she's a bit too depressed to be a Weasley, silly," Ron responded.

Harry sighed. "This is too difficult." He smoked his pot.

Ron stared a bit more closely at Ellie. Could she be a distant cousin of his? He knew that his mom had several brothers and sisters, but was any of them a squib? Or was this girl a squib from a wizard family? Ron excitedly pulled on his Sherlock Holmes outfit. Time to solve a mystery!

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**A/N: **The end of chapter one! Did that suck? Please review and tell me what you think! I'll probably continue it no matter what, though. Flames are welcome I guess, although they scare me a wee bit sometimes. More characters to come next! And some Jimmy Singer! Bwahahaha...


	2. Sherlock Holmes

**A/N: **Yay! I got two reviews- hahaha go me x)- so I decided to continue. Haha. I also think I'm going to add in stuff from Pirates of the Caribbean and Ocean's Eleven/Twelve!

**Lei454: **Psh... yeah... who would name a guy "jub"... winkwinknudgenudge. Hahahhahahah... Thanks for being my first reviewer! Lol. Keep on reviewing ;)

**ADepressedSpooty: **Lol, nice attempt at a flame . I don't think you're able to write a NOT nice review! Thanks so much you made me feel so good about my writing haha! I'm really excited when people find my writing funny... I have no idea why but it just means a lot to me x) I don't know why, but I like to make Harry a drug addict... Heehee...

**Izzy/Rodio Girl/Whatever!: **Yay, you reviewed! I'm so happy! Thanks so much! Yay I'm happy you're laughing! Read and review the later chappies, bitch! Woot! Never let go! Grody/gnarly/rancid... Bwahahahahah x) Oh! You have to read this chapter because I talk about Afrika! And how she called boobs bobs! I MISS AFRIKA AND HER BOBS! Remember when Karis slept on my bobs on Oswegotchie? ROFLMFAO!!!!!!!!!! Lylas ;) THAT WAS A JOKE DON'T MURDER ME!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of the trillions of characters I would like to have in this story. Not even jub himself ;)

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"Hey, hot stuff, what's your name?" Draco Malfoy rubbed sleazily up against Manny. She was standing in a corner of the room. Trying to make it look like she had more cleavage. As if that was possible...

Manny looked up nervously. "Oh, I'm Manny," she said, not realizing that her bob (**A/N: **I accidentally typed this, and this is what my Spanish friend from camp called them, so boobs are now christened "bobs". The end) was hanging siliconely out of her shirt.

Malfoy raised his eyebrows up and down at the sight of it. He also raised something else. Except that wasn't on purpose.

Seeing the second raised body part, Manny was a bit concerned. She was used to guys getting boners, but it was usually after she made out with them for a while. Then she saw her dangling bob dangling danglishly. She shoved back into her bra. Then she grabbed Draco's arm and pulled him through the throng of characters and into the Entrance Hall.

The Entrance Hall had been decorated with large, leafishly shady palm trees to match the warm and artifically magical climate.

She shoved Draco into a broom closet and followed him inside. She shut the door quickly behind them and in negative eight nanoseconds the gong gonged very gigantically. In fact, it was so gigantic that there was an earthquake and one of the slim and shady trees fell crookedly and blocked the entrance to the closet. They were locked in!

Truthfully, both of them were somewhat intrigued at the idea. Sexually excited, that is.

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The gong had gonged itself painfully to announce the arrival of another group. Duh. The noise in the Dining Hall immidiately muted. Harry wasn't informed of the mutation, so he was standing there trying to speak but nothing was coming out of his mouth. But this often happened when he was high, so he just continued babbling mutedly.

Everyone not sexually excitedly looked at the entrance of the Dining Hall to see who was arriving.

For some reason, these guests arrived in fast motion instead of slow motion. They were the cast of Lord of the Rings! Whoopdeedoo! Except for some reason Legolas cut all his long, Barbie-like blonde locks off and dyed them curly black. How strange.

"Wow, look at _that_ guy," Hermione gushed so gushedly she squeezed the gushing goo out of one of the Gushers she was holding in her now Gusher-covered gushing hand. Gushedly. Gush.

Hermione was looking at the new and improved Legolas Greenleaf, and she was talking to Ginny. She turned to ask Ginny why Ginny wasn't freaking out at the sight of Leglas Greenleaf. But she wasn't there! What the hey?

_Oh well, more for me!_ Hermione thought giddily as she skipped on her ears over to Legolas Greenleaf.

"Hello, my name is Ginevra Maurice Weasley," Hermione ingtroduced herself, holding out a hand for Legolas Greenleaf to shake. "D'oh! I mean Homer Simpson! D'oh! I mean! Fuck! Hermione Granger!" She hit herself on the forehead with her hand that wasn't covered in gushedly gushing Gushers. Damn. She screwed up her intro with the infamous Legolas Greenleaf. Stupid! D'umbass!

"I'm Legolas," he said, putting a piece of that bread that fills you up for a long time into Hemione's hand, not knowing what else to do. "What's your name? Ginevra Maurice Weasley D'oh I Mean Homer Simpson D'oh I Mean Fuck Hermione Granger?"

"It's okay if you're stupid; you're still gorgeous." That was Hermione's response. That thing right to the left of these words. Or is it left to the right of these words? Jeez...

By that time, many more guests had arrived and were now patrolling the area. Ron and Harry were having a nice chat with Linus Caldwell.

"I'm Ronald," Ron introduced himself. He thought that he sounded more official being called Ronald. He didn't realize that there was a dirrty clown who advertised a dirty restaurant whose name was also Ronald.

"Linus," Linus Caldwell said. These people were slightly inferior to him. He didn't like it.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you, my name is Harry." That was what Harry said. Because the author COUGH forgot to introduce him. COUGH. Teehee that's fun... COUGH COUGH COUGH-

"Will you STOP coughing?!" Ron(ald) commanded. "Jeez..." He was annoyed.

"Doesn't that guy kind of look like-" Harry started.

"Don't! Don't even say it," Linus inturrupted inturruptingly in a Linus fashion. Caldwell.

"Jeez..." Harry grumbled. He scratched his nose. 'Twas itchy. 'Twas it not? Oh, my bad then.

Linus Caldwell tripped and stepped on Ron's shoe.

"Hey!"

"Sorry; tripped," Linus responded. He walked away, pocket a little heavier than before... Except, not really.

"Douchebag..." Ronald murmbled under his breath.

On the other side of the room three quarters of an eighth of negative twelve centimeters away, Ginevra Maurice Weasley was talking to Kathryn Merteuil.

"My middle name isn't Maurice!" she spazzed.

"In denial, are we? This should be fun..." Kathryn gooed.

Ginny made a face. "What's your favorite type of cheese?" she considered.

"Swiss. Yours?"

"I like bleu. It's spelled funnelly. Funnelly. Like a funnel! I peed into one of those once..."

"Thanks for sharing." A thought suddenly struck Kathryn Merteuil in her cruel brain. It was quite full to the brinking brim with cruel intentions. She suddenly realized that she could suddenly black mail the poor Maurice with the fact that she peed into a funnel once! Honestly, who pees into funnels nowadays? God.

She snickered and a Snickers bar came out of her nose.

"Has anyone seen Manny?" Shane Kippel asked. Whoopsie-daisy! I meant Gavin-Spinner. The dude who spins Gavins. Yuh-huh.

"No" Kathryn and Ginevra Maurice spoke in unison.

"My middle name isn't MAURICE! That's like, a boys name! Gross! Boys have cooties!" Ginny double spazzed. Then she turned to Kathryn. "Jinx! One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten! Hahaha! You owe me a... a..."

"What base have you been to?" Kathryn. Inturruptedly.

"Huh? Oh, in baseball, you mean? I got a home run once!"

"No, douchebag fucktard. I meant like _what base_." She used the secret eye code of eyelashes to explain what she meant.

"OH! ...Zerothe base..." Ginevra Maurice Manuella Santos- whoopsie-daisy! Wrong name! The annoying redhead said it...

"Well, I'll give you a free lesson for the jinx, how about that?" Kathryn arranged the puzzle pieces.

"Sure! I have no idea what you just said! Lets play with your rompecabezas!" Ginny skippishly gladded along being Kathryn until they got to another closet in the Entrance Hall. There were several trillions of those. Though, they weren't all closets in the entrance hall.

Just a few (thousandth) doors down, Manny and Draco were in their own little chamber.

"So," Draco started awkwardly. He's never been awkward before. But now Manny was here. And Manny was sexy. And he really liked Manny.

But before he could say anything else to make the awkwardness more apparent, Manny had knocked him over, licking his tongue and unbuttoning his pants.

He pushed her face away from his. "Whoa," he spoke whoaishly. "Whoa. Whoa." Then he ripped her shirt off and resumed kissing.

This time it was she who pulled apart, though. "Dude, that was my favorite shirt, eh?" she said, not really upset. "Have you ever noticed that people think that Canadian people always say "eh", but I don't think anyone's ever said "eh" once on Degrassi?"

"Huh."

They started making out again, Manny's shirt completely ripped from her mind as it was completely ripped from her body.

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As Ron and Harry stood aimlessly in the middle of the aimless and boring room, Ron realized that he still had his Sherlock Holmes outfit on but he had abandoned his search for if he was related to Ellie.

"Don't deny it; you forgot it, girl," he said, snapping his fingers and giving the air the evil eye. Then he marched off, swiftly whipping a magnifying glass out of his pocket and snooping around the room with it. Harry followed lazily behind, sneezing.

Soon he disovered Ellie grouching depressedly in the Depressed Corner. No, seriously, there was a sign made out of water- tears, more snarfishingly- hanging above it that said "The Depressed Corner". Obviously, Ellie was the only one scowling depressedly in it.

Ron sniffed his way up her body until he got to her face. Then he magnified her eyeball. "Are you related to me?!" he questioned scarily.

"Um... Who are you?" she asked depressedly (and rudely). Then she whispered, "Psycho."

"Ronald Nigel Weasely the Third," he announced lyishly. Liar!

"Oh... Weirdo..." Ellie grumbled, edging slowly away from him and slowly closer to the Depressed Corner.

"What's your last name?" Ron inquiered -ishly.

"...Nash... Why are you so obsessed with me? Go away, Nigel!" she commanded with a flick of her hand.

Ron felt as though he'd been pushed back. That was odd. Very oddish indeed. She didn't make any contact with her... And yet it felt as though she'd hit him in the face, practically sort of!

Suddenly it dawned on him. "Nash!" he triumphed. "Nash! Nash!"

"That's my name, don't wear it-"

"I don't like your attitude!" Harry threatened, stepping into the corner and raishing a threatening hand threateningly, growling with growlish and scary eyes.

"Nash! That's the secret codeword! NASH! You ARE related to me!" Ron exasperished ................Yeah...

"What the-?"

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**A/N: **Bleh, that was bad. I wasn't in as silly of a mood... :- pooh. Well, review anyway. I'll review parts of the chapter if you really don't like it.


	3. Very Gross and Very Bored

**A/N: **Thanks to all the reviewers! There may not be many but at least I'm getting some!

**Izzles: **Hahahahaha... And you loved it just as much as you love a certain LL, right? ROFLMAO!

**KittKatMcNamera: **Nice detailed review, Kat. Lol, jk. Keep 'em up!

**Girl-Of-Legends: **Yay! You liked it! I knew you'd like the Sean stuff! Haha... Keep on reviewing!

**Lucia: **YAY! I heart Lucia and her reviews!

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing from this mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad world. (Not even the Disclaimer).

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Alie the Author realized that she sort of forgot to speak of interactions between Ron and his spittoon (also known as a cuspidor) in the last chapter. So, before we continue with the story, the next paragraph will be designated to Ron and his cuspidor.

Ron had massive amounts of tobacco wadded up in his mouth. He knew that he could get Hairy Tongue Disease or half his face smushed off- he saw so in a Health class video- but luckily he had El Diablo, his Cuspidor -that word is neglected; it needs capitilization- to spit it all into before the cancerous shrubs burrowed into various spaces of his mouth. He spat into El Diablo the Cuspidor and then, finding nothing else of use to him to spit into it since he had used up all of his lovely phlem, tobacco, and fruity flavored gum, he drank the contents of El Diablo the Cuspidor. He drank them dry. Realizing how unbelievably disgusting that was- so gross, someone on MTV or Survivor wouldn't even have to drink it- because he was drinking tobacco, gum, lip gloss, phlem, earwax, and saliva all mixed together in a witchy- er... _smelly_ brew, he threw up. He threw up _everywhere_. It got on Ellie, his newly discovered long-lost relative, it got on Harry, who was snorfing Pixie Stix, it got on Dumbledore who was several metres (I feel British!) away, it got on Hermione who was trying to explain her real name to Legolas Greenleaf, who got it on himself, as well. It even got on Manny and Draco who were having a nice shag in the closet.

I told you it was everywhere.

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**Now back to the story...**

"Hey! Hey, Ginevra Maurice Weasley D'oh I Mean Homer Simpson D'oh I Mean Fuck Hermione Granger, look at that guy! Over there!" Legolas Greenleaf was having a bit of a spaz attack. He just saw someone he thought he recognized.

"That's just a mirror, you douche," Hermione responded arrogantly. All images of a sexy Legolas had now been stripped from her mind and all she felt toward this idiot was annoyance.

"Oh, really?" he questioned. "Well then how come my reflection's facing the wrong way and not doing what I'm doing?"

Hermione frowned and examined said "reflection". Hmmm... The moronic elf had a point. This reflection was indeed facing the wrong direction. And now that she looked at him a bit more carefully she realized that his hair and outfit completely differed from that of Mr. Greenleaf.

She darted across the room, stripped Ron of his Sherlock Holmes outfit, threw it on herself, and sprinted back to Legolas and the Mysterious Relfection.

She then approached the Mystery Man and tapped him on the shoulder.

"Excuse me, Mr." she said.

He turned around to face her. "Yes?"

"What's your name and why do you look just like that man?" she inquired, pointing at Legolas who waved, a cheesy smile plastered upon his chiseled face.

The man gasped. "Wow! We _do_ look alike! Who is that?"

"TELL ME WHO YOU ARE, DAMMIT!" She shoved her magnifying glass in his face. It was becoming a lethal weapon.

"I-I- my name is W-will Turner." For some reason this sexy pirate was feeling a tad intimidated by a little girl with a magnifying glass.

I _told_ you it was becoming a lethal weapon.

Will's eyes shot up and he stared straight at Legolas, who was now growling angrily at him. Will brushed Hermione to the side and approached Legolas, fire in his eyes. The crowd had now spread out and given them a clear circle to fight in. And that's just what they did. Will launched himself at Legolas, throwing punches at his face like nobody's business. Legolas jumped up and threw Will off of him. He grabbed an arrow out of somewhere behind it and loaded it onto a bow that he had generated out of nowhere and shot it right under Will's right ear.

"Think of that as your warning," Legolas growled, his immature and stupid air disappearing and being replaced with an extremely menacing one. "No one messes with me."

Off to the side of the ring, Dawn Summers looked on and watch the twins' quarrel. She stared at Will Turner, in love with his loveliness and how utterly sexy he was. She was unaware of the fact that Legolas looked exactly the same.

Suddenly her fantasies were inturrupted by someone speaking to her from her left.

"Too bad he has a girlfriend," they said.

Dawn spun around and was face-to-face with Paige Michaelchuk. Or however you spell it.

"Huh?" Dawn responded.

"Look." Paige pointed to a woman wearing a dress that made her look a thousand times skinnier than she actually was and an ugly hat. The woman was fanning herself snobbishly and her mouth was permanantly open in a somewhat perplexed and triangular expression.

"Ew," Dawn said. "That's his girlfriend? Wow, he can do _way_ better."

"God, I _know_," Paige agreed.

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(**A/N: **I don't watch Angel, so I don't know how they brought Spike back to life or do whatever they did, but for the purposes of this story, he's been brought back to life or whatever happened in Angel.)

Spike was smoking a cigarette in the Entrance Hall. This stupid party was way too much for him. Quite frankly, hanging out with a bunch of gradeschoolers and adults with extreme lack of lives was not his idea of a good time.

Apparently someone else had the same idea.

"I cannot _stand_ it in there," they announced, from somewhere to Spike's right.

Spike turned to face him and did a double take, astonished with what he saw.

"Jack?"

"Spike?"

(**A/N: **This most likely makes no sense, but I have no idea when Pirates of the Caribbean takes place and I don't know Spike's life insanely well so this could very well not make any sense with real life and real time and... yeah I'll shut up.)

Jack Sparrow and Spike stared at each other with disbelief. Were their eyes decieving them?

"Whoa, man, long time no see!" Spike cried, embracing his friend excitedly.

"Yeah!" Jack Sparrow responded giddily. They hadn't seen each other in quite some time. "I haven't seen you since... Since... Hmm..." He was a bit confused. When had they seen each other?

Spike was a bit at a loss for memories as well. He stood there standingishly for a second.

"Well," Jack responded, heaving a large sigh. "You'll find peace at home now. I'm so sick and tired of being myself."

Spike shrugged in agreement. "What's so wrong with being sad?"

"Seriously," Jack responded with a chuckle. "Thank you, Alex Greenwald!"

The two laughed together in unison like a duo of two laughing people who were laughing together. Yeah!

"I can't take it anymore!" someone cried storming into the room and throwing their hands up in the air in exasperation.

"Excuse me, we're done quoting Phantom Planet. Did you get the memo?" Jack Sparrow said angrishingly.

"I turn pale when she walks by, I am lost in her eyes. She is always on my mind," Spike whispered to himself as he gazed at the beauty who had just entered the hallway.

Then he realized it was Buffy.

She looked Jack up and down. "What's with your outfit?" she questioned.

He was about to respond when Spike did it for him. "This is Jack Sparrow, an old friend of mine. But we can't seem to remember when we last saw each other."

"_Captain_ Jack Sparrow."

Buffy nodded. "Mmmhmm... Are you sure Alie the Author didn't just forget the details of Pirates of the Caribbean and not feel like making up some background story about the two of you?"

Spike shrugged. "Could be."

Captain Jack agreed. "Yeah..."

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Jonathan J. Pryor II was standing very bored in a corner of the room. In his arms he was holding a (thankfully) sleeping Jonathan J. Pryor III. Haven't you always wondered what the second J stood for? I have. You haven't? Well you should.

Douche.

1 Crush was echoing through the room. JJ was disgusted at this disgraceful and vile music. Why didn't the have something from... the sixties... or something. Truthfully, JJ didn't know diddly squat about the sixties. He just pretended he did.

Something caught his eye from the corner of his eye. Or the corner of the room. Whichever you prefer.

Anywho: it was a group of guys (eleven of them, to be exact) hanging around a table playing poker.

w00t poker looked like bundles of fun to a very bored JJ. So he dropped his baby into the arms of the nearest person (who happened to be Principal Wood) before skipping off and throwing himself into the one empty chair that happened to convienently be there. Literally.

"'Sup, boys?" he questioned. "Can I join in on your little bundle of joy?"

Rusty Ryan threw some cards at him. Literally.

(**A/N: **Just incase you were wondering, I have no idea how to play poker.)

"w00t," came out of JJ's mouth. "This is some hot stuff, bitchaz."

"Aren't you supposed to be from the sixties?" Linus Caldwell asked. He was a bit concerned. And angered. That's all he ever is.

JJ shrugged, examining his shitty-shit-shit-shitty hand.

Don Cheadle's character laughed. Alie the Author seems to have forgotten what his name is. Basher? Banger? Boozer? Buncher? One of those. For now he is christened BBBB. Or BBB for short.

Linus Caldwell jumped up in anger. "WHO DIED AND MADE YOU DANNY?" he cried angrishly. "HUH? WHO!"

"It's not in my nature to be mysterious, but-" Ryan to the Rusty was cut off.

By Turk Malloy, to be exact. "Look, we've heard it already, Rusty."

"Actually, I don't believe you were in that scene," Virigil informed his brother for whom he had absolutely no respect.

"Actually, I do believe I _was_," Turk responded.

He was pissed.

"No, you weren't!" So was he.

"Yes I was! Was I in that scene? I WAS! I WAS! I WAS I WAS I WAS I WAS!"

Shall we leave it at that?

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**A/N: **Aaaahh! It's taking me so long to update! slaps herself Gawsh. But please review! That will DEFINITELY compel me to update faster! And plus I'll give you eighteen oreos and some sesame chicken from Lichee Nut because that stuff is mad good.

I concur.


	4. The Food Chain

**A/N: **Thank you, reviewers! Oh, and I realize that the Phantom Planet lyrics in the last chapter are wrong lol.

**Disclaimer: **I own NOTHING. Including those lyrics. Meaning I don't own them. Do you?

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Paige Michalchuk- her last name has been dubbed (?) the most awesome thing since sliced bread, execpt for the fact that tis utterly impossible to spell- and Dawn Summers were slounging in a corner of the room, discussing the annoyance they felt toward Will Turner and Elizabeth Swan Turner at the moment. Though, needless to say, that had no idizzio that Elizabeth Swan Turner was indeed named Elizabeth Swan Turner. In fact, Alie the Author _herself_ wasn't even so sure.

Dawn sighed. She hated Mr. and Mrs. Will Turner for their godforsaken Disney relationship, but then again she couldn't help fainting evertyime she saw him. Literally. She actually fainted and fell on the floor everytime she saw him. In fact, she was on the floor right now.

"Ew!" she cried, getting up and pulling a mysterious substance out of her hair. It was a chunk of Ron's vomit (**A/N: **Sorry). Then she realized that there was also a piece of paper stuck to her hair! Gasp!

"Oh my God!" Paige cried. "What does it say!"

Dawn unfolded the paper slowly for an unsexual but very sexual and climactic climax and read the words written in red on the red read paper. Read.

"Sucker love is Heaven sent, you pucker up our passion's spent. My heart's a tart, you're body's rent, my body's broken, yours is bent," she read confuzzledly. "Carve your name into my arm, instead of stressed I lie here charmed. Cuz there's nothing else to do, every me and every you."

"Hmm," Paige responded more like a statement than an actual "hmm". So it was more like "hm". Minus one "m".

Ginny hobbled over and sat down next to the two. They were sitting in random chairs in the corner. Not at an actual table, incase you were wondering.

Ginny snarked. (**A/N: **That is a real world according to Deandra)

An ugly girl with an utterly monotonous face and an utterly monotonous voice and udderly monotonous udders sat down next to Ginny.

"You know that snarking is very bad for you," she expressed.

Ginny snarked in her face very loudly.

The monotonous girl with the udders, aka the monotonous girl with the udders held out a hand in Ginny's snark-filled face. "I'm Patty Pryor," she expressed. Because all she does is express. Because she is the most monotonous person in the world. No, the universe.

Ginny nodded. Because Alie the Author didn't want Ginny and Patty to have a bad relationship, but she did that by accident and is to lazy to make it _develop_ into a good relationship, Murchie popped out of the floor and said "wingardium friendsius!" while waving a drum stick (not a chicken leg). He did the weird shifty eye thing, turned bright red and then fell into the floor again.

Ginny and Patty were magically friends****

0000

In the middle of the room, Ron was standing. He saw Buffy a few yards/metres/miles/feet/foots/blsdkfjss away.

"Wow, she's smokin," he said to himself, doing the worm.

"You know what, man?" Harry snarked, getting up from the floor where several coke lines had been placed to spell out "Harry is my Hero". "This party is off the HEEZY! Just playin, it reaks of horrible fish and shrimp. Gross. And that's _whack_."

"You're right," X to the Z -ibit concurred. (**A/N: **Don't report me please!). "And sometimes, one plus one equals ZERO!"

"You know what, dogg?" Harry said, turning to Ron and scuffing up the coke lines on the floor. They now read "I Iolly o (scribble scribble scribble) I Ioro". "I say we do something about that dude over there, because he **_TOTALLY_** looks like-"

This time Harry was cut off by Shiney breaking a stick. A music stick. Or rather, a music baton.

"DEFINITELY!" Ron concurred- Alie the Author is having _way_ too much fun with this word- staring at Rusty Ryan, about whom they were talking. Hmm... did that make any sense?

The two determined rascals marched across the room to their prey. He was playing cars (**A/N: **I accidentally wrote this but I'm keeping it this way) with JJ Pryor and 10 other random guys.

"Oh, man, it's JJ!" Harry cried. "I _love_ you! American Dreams is so emotional-"

Ron cut him off. "This isn't time for your games, Harry!" he snapped, snapping his fingers in his face flamboyantly.

"Sorry, sir!" Harry said, snipping into attention with his hand poised on his forehead like a soldier. Or more specifically Marine, just because JJ was just a few feet behind. "Leutenent GI Potter reporting for duty, sir!"

"Yeah, yeah." Ron flopped his hand. Then he grabbed Rusty Ryan and pulled him with his few muscles to the side. Realizing he had no plan, he reseated Mr. Ryan. Then he went off to find Kathryn Merteuil.

"I need help with blackmail," Ron announced with Harry at his heels when he found Kathryn.

Kathryn's face lit up at this. Blackmail was her favorite word. In fact, it was her middle name. "Oooh... you name it, they've been mailed blackly from me, boys," Kathryn responded confidentely. Her words were filled with confidence. Really? Yup. I enjoy having conversations with myself.

"Yippee!" Harry cried enthusiastically. In my head he is short.

"So, find something bad about THAT man so that we can blackmail him," Ron said, pointing a long finger that had a nail painted with glittery magenta nail polish on it straight at Rusty Ryan.

"That man?" she responded, raising an eyebrow suspiciously.

"Yup," Ron responded.

And Kathryn was off. And Ron spat into his cuspidor. He had found some pudding.

0000

Buffy Summers was standing boredly in the corner. She was very squished in the corner, seeing as that everyone happened to be there. But nevertheless, she was in the corner. Squished.

She turned her heavily hairsprayed head a bit so she could see the crazy people flitting about her. They were indeed very crazy. Then suddenly something very interesting caught her eye. It was a girl. She was snooping around. And she looked just like Buffy.

_A DEMON!_ Buffy immediately thought. _A demon has made it's way to this stupid party! Oh my god!_

Buffy left the corner and stormed around the room in circles and circles and more circles in search of Giles. Or Willow. Or Xander. Or one of those people.

"Giles! Giles, Giles, Giles, Giles, Giles!" she cried upon encountering the man. "RUPERT GILES!"

"Um... yes?" Giles responded, since he has the inability to form complete sentences without sticking the world "um", "uh" or clearing his throat in the middle. He wiped his glasses on his shirt.

"There's a demon here," Buffy said.

Without further explanation- she didn't find it necessary- she dragged the Brit across the room to where the mysteriuos demon/Buffy look-alike was located. Buffy grabbed a crossbow out of thin air, loaded it with one of Legolas's arrows, and pointed it straight at the girl.

"Show yourself," she commanded.

The girl looked up, startled.

"Excuse me?" she expressed. Oh wait, sorry, that word is reserved for usage by Patty Pryor only. She... said...

"Show yourself." Buffy silenced herself for a dramatic pause. Everyone was watching now. "Demon."

The room gasped. Gaspy gasp gasp gaspimus gaspisthimuses. It was gaspfully gaspful and gaspisherly gasping. Gasp! In conclusion, every human being or bug or character or annoying piece of shit on a stick in the room gasped. ...I just wrote an essay!

A girl stepped through the crowd. It was Cecile Caldwell.

"What are you doing to Kathryn?" she asked.

"Kathryn?" Buffy questioned. "What kind of demon is named Kathryn?"

"Demon?" Cecile laughed forcedly. Sort of like she was constipated. "Kathryn may be a bitch but she's no _demon_."

"Well then, why does she look exactly like me?" Buffy questioned angrily.

Legolas and Will pushed _their_ ways through the crowd at the same time.

"We look the same also!" they cried. Then they started punching each other. Like lions.

Buffy slowly lowered her crossbow after another silent silence during which you could hear various growls.

Linus Caldwell stumbled into the center of the ring. There were so many people in the center now that it was almost not a center. WHERE HATH MY DONUT GONE?

"Cecile! I haven't seen you in ages!" he cried, enveloping his cousin in a great big hug.

"Hey, Linus!" she quiggled (that was a typo and I'm keeping it that way). When they released from their hug Cecile's pocket was a tad bit lighter. "This iced tea tastes funny."

"It's from Long Island," Linus explained.

Cecile drank harder.

"So, how are things going down under? Blossoming, I hope."

"Excuse me, Mr. Caldwell, you remind me a lot of my late step-brother Sebastian Valmont-" Kathryn started.

"Oh yes, we were good friends, him and I," Linus said.

Kathryn was taken aback. She lost her seductive and evil demeanor. "Seriously? Weird..." Then she found it again. "I was wondering if you could tell me a bit about your friend Rusty Ryan over there..."

"Why?"

"Oh, because. I guarantee there will be something in it for you..."

She led him into a bush. He got hives from it. So Madame Pomfrey took him upstairs to treat them. A determined Kathryn Merteuil followed.

0000

Manny and Draco exited the broom closet thing they were doing the nasty in. Manny was pregnant! Dun, dun, DUN!

Since TV shows either go really quickly through time or really slowly, Manny's pregnancy is going to go very quickly. So her tummy is very big. Very, very big.

"Goodness, gracious, what have you done?" Gavin asked, his mouth agape like a bowl of grapes.

Manny blushed and squeezed the hand of the father of her baby.

"We're pregnant," she announced to the now magically silent room.

Exactly half the room cheered, while exactly one quarter of the room booed and the other quarter remained silent, listening to the chirping chipmunks and squirrels eating rabbits and then vomiting them up for the pigeons and hummingbirds to pick at. How morbid. Morbid fact du jour.

Spinner- I mean Gavin- launched himself at Draco ferociously. But Draco was too quick. He whipped his wand out and sent Sp- Gavin flying across the room. This is mainly because Alie the Author is sick of fighting. Lets make peace. Or better yet, lets make peas.

"Peace? I hate the word. As I hate hell. And _all _Montagues."

"Thanks, Tybalt."

0000

**A/N: **Please review and I'll give you twelve packs of sliced bread and an autograph from Shiney, the music teacher, who worked on the "My Boo" music video! (Or so he claims.)


	5. Twice Dead

**A/N: **I haven't updated this story- or any of my stories- in centuries! But I have so much work and I can't think of anything to write. Hrmm... Well let's hope this is okay.

**LiLi: **Thank you! You're so nice :) I haven't updated in forever. Neither have you! Lol.

**Lei454: **...Interesting idea... Hah. Oh and Shiney does exist. Jacob made up the name. Or Izzy did. He (Shiney, not Jacob or Izzy) subbed for my class on Tuesday bc Banta broke his rib and then continued playing the clarinet or something.

**GiGiFanFic: **Usually when I decide I hate a story it's after I've actually read it. You should learn to give things a chance once in a while.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any characters or locations unless otherwise mentioned.

0000

**Chapter Five: **Twice Dead

No one rushed to Spinner's side to see if he was okay. This is because everyone hates him. This is because he is a douchebag. This is because it was partly his fault that Jimmy is now paralyzed. In my opinion, it was all Rick's fault. For being a prick.

Spike was sitting at a table with Jack. It was crazy that they had seen each other. Spike always liked pirates. And when he was vacationing in the Caribbean (pronounced CARE-i-bee-in when in context with Jack Sparrow y omnes) with Dru and Angelus back in the good ole days when he wasn't twice dead and in love with a slayer, he couldn't help but chill with a few.

"So how's life been? Who are these weirdos you came here with?" Spike questioned, sipping on a mug of blood. Blooooood.

"Life's been odd. I'm now captain of the Black Pearl," Jack Sparrow explained. "Which is quite nice, if you think about it. We had this little adventure in order to put an end to this stupid curse. It really was quite fun. That's how I met Will and Elizabeth. They're the weirdos. Elizabeth's the one who keeps on fainting. She has this rather annoying corset disability."

"Inability," Spike concurred.

"Inability disability," Jack alsnsded.

"Woohoo that rhymes."

"Busta Rhymes."

"Didn't he beat his wife?"

Someone slapped their hands down on the table. "Something weird is going on," Buffy Summers informed William the Bloody.

"Can't you see I'm a bit busy now?" Spike wondered. He actually did. Could she see? He'd always wondered if she had eye problems...

"I don't care," she said sternly in that way where she says things in a very stern manner and separates every word as though she's trying not to cry.

Spike sighed. "What's going on, Buffy?"

"There are people," Buffy began. Spike could tell she was randomly becoming all nervous now. "W-who look just like other people. Like twins, almost. Except with small differences. And they've never met each other before."

"Huh?"

Buffy scanned the room. Her Spidey senses were tingling. I mean, her _Slayer_ senses were tingling. "Well I can't seem to find her right now, but there's this girl who looks _just_ like me. A-and there are these two other guys who look exactly the same. Except one's from some place called Middle-Earth while the other is from, like, Bermuda!"

"He must be from the Caribbean! With me!" Jack Sparrow realized with his Piratey senses.

Buffy spun around. "Who are _you_?"

"Jack Sparrow, you're friendly neighborhood pirate," he explained, holding out a very greasy hand to shake. No, literally, it had grease on it. Haven't you always wondered where that grease came from? It's like, car grease. And last time I checked there weren't any cars in the Caribbean in, like, the 1800s.

Buffy shook his fingernail. "You know one of those people?"

"Yup."

"Well why does he look like that other man!" Buffy demanded, going right up in Captain Jack Sparrow's face.

Captain Jack Sparrow- CJS for short- shrugged. "No sé."

"Hable en inglés, por favor," Buffy the Vampire Slayer requested.

"Sí, lo siento. I said "I don't know"."

Buffy nodded, somewhat upset. Then she slapped him and marched off.

Will Turner popped out from under the table. "What about that one?" he questioned.

"I'm not sure," CJS supplied.

"Oh, so YOU'RE what was tickling my- " Spike started.

He was cut off by CJS: "Why were you under there?"

"-toe."

"I was hiding. That slayer girl's a _madwoman_. Though I can't tell her apart from that other person who looks just like her..." Will Turner scratched his thick skull. Then he took out his knitting.

"Why are you knitting with a fork and a chopstick?" SJC- oopity- CJS questioned.

"I think this is why she's puzzled by you," Spike inferred.

Will Turner the Weirdo (WTW... Heehee: it's like WWW! But without the middle W...) picked a potatoe off CJS's plate with this knitting needle fork. Little did CJS and William the Bloody know that their good friend WTW (not WWW) was going to be a genius one day. He was just bad at marketing his inventions.

Spike stood up and banged WTW (this initial thing is annoying me...)'s chopstick against his mug, which caused a magical amount of noise (a rather gongish amount) randomly, and also caused the knitting to slip off the end. There was only one row, though, so WTW/Will Turner wasn't really missing out.

"I now want to be referred to as WTB for William the Bloody," he announced. "That will be all." He sat down.

"God DAMN," someone said.

0000

Meanwhile:

"That girl puts a spell on me," Ron said to Harry as he stared oglingly at Buffy from a few across the rooms away.

"Oh say can you see my eyes? If you can, then burn down my house," was Harry's response. This was because he had just finished a rather interesting snort of Ron's cuspidor- what's it called again?-, Pixie Stix, garlic, salt 'n' pepa. Hah.

This is also because it is Erica and Jacob's status messages combined.

"Nobody puts a baby in a corner," Ron stated, still staring at Buffy but thinking about babies in corners.

"Thumbtacks make their vengeance." Harry held up a thumb. It had a tack stuck into it.

"I want a banana," Ron said, pouting and staring at Harry with puppy dog eyes.

"Ms. Conceited!" Harry spat. Into Ron's cuspidor.

"Cross your T's and insert your titles!" Ron said. "Wait that didn't make any sense at all."

"Cults are not fun unless I'm invited."

The two turned around. A little kid pointing his hands and smiling insanely was standing behind them.

"What? I wanted to play," Stanley informed them. Then he disappeared with a -POP-

0000

Manny was pregnant on the other side of the room. She was talking to Emma.

"Oh my God!" Emma said dramatically. "This is just like my mom! We have to think of names!"

"Well... I was thinking... Maybe I could name her Emma- that is, if she's a girl," Manny suggested very bad actingly.

Emma gasped dramatically. "Really?"

"Really."

"Oh my God! Manny!"

They hugged. But Manny's 6-month (hour?) pregnant stomach was in the way. It poked Emma. For some reason it was pointy.

0000

Hermione and Dawn had formed a club. It was the Club of Girls who Have Very Big Crushes on Men who Look Like Legolas Greenleaf and William Turner. Or CGHVBCMLLLGWT. Or Baruch for short. Don't ask where that came from.

"The first Baruch meeting is now adjourned!" Dawn announced, hitting her knee to represent a gavel. It didn't really work. Instead it hurt. "Or- wait, does adjourn mean end?"

"Whatever, it started." Paige Michaslkdfjelkvnfd was there too.

"I tamed the Kat!" Ginny spazzed.

"This is why you weren't invited!" Dawn hated Ginny. She pushed her out the window.

"Ginny! My lesbian lover!" the monotonous girl with the udders rolled out after her. She had a crush on Ginny. She's now a lesbian.

Not that there's anything wrong with lesbianism.

"Hey, you girls know THIS man?" Kathryn Merteuil asked, holding up a fotografía of Rusty Ryan for the girls to drool at.

Kathryn Merteuil had borrowed Ron's Sherlock Homes suit. Except she skankified it. So now it was a bit smaller and showed lots of cleavage.

Everyone responded "no" and shooed Kathryn Merteuil so that they could resume their Baruch meeting.

0000

Darth Vadar music ran through the room. That's because Anakin Skywalker came brooding in, along with his minions. Well, they weren't really his minions. Most of them hated him. Actually, they hated him when he was on life support. Which was him later.

Padme had changed her outfit to match her mood and the room. That happened in the picture in the review of Star Wars in the New York Times (don't report me!). Crazy.

So she was wearing mellow yellow. And so was the room.

She spotted Manny and Emma rejoicing in the pregnant corner. She bounced over so they could have pregnant mother bonding time.

0000

**A/N: **The end- for now. Damn that sucked. Review for plastic lightsabers!


	6. Bullets and Bees

**A/N: **I only got two reviews for the last chapter, but that's okay! I just hope I get more for this one! Lol.

**MOSTLYmozart: **Yeah, I think it had at the time I wrote that… But there's a new one on now! Don't worry!

**Erica: **Yay! You reviewed! I'm sorry you don't know the Degrassi characters but thank you for reveiewing!

**Disclaimer: **I own the idea. I don't own the characters unless otherwise mentioned, Ocean's Eleven, Time for CIT… Woohoo…, Midwest, New Screen Name: Zeezle1219, Give me back my pants, George Lucas (don't report me!), the whole "It. Is. On." conversation I actually got from Big Brother 2 or whichever one had Will the doctor on it, "coocoo for CoCoPuffs", CoCo Puffs, Mr. Burns from the Simpsons, Ghost in the Machine, "who are the vile beginners of this fray", and iPods.

**000000**

**Chapter Six: **Bullets and Bees

**000000**

Since Will Turner is rather dense, he sort of forgot that he was hiding from Kathryn/Buffy. So he left the pirate and WTB and went over to go introduce himself to Anakin Skywalker.

"Hello," Will said, holding out a hand to shake, "I'm Will Turner."

"Anakin," was Anakin's response. He didn't really understand this whole hand shaking concept. He was dense, too, and they didn't shake many hands a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away.

Will put his hand down awkwardly. He then saw his sword hanging in his belt thingy. "I have a sword," he said.

"I can see that." Anakin knew that he had something cooler. But he was waiting for the opportune moment to show it off.

"Do you have a sword?"

"No," Anakin responded honestly. The opportune moment was now. He took out his lightsaber and held it right in front of his dick, as he always did. Then he turned it on. –FWOOM- "I have a lightsaber."

"Holy crap in my pants! What in the name of baby Jesus is that?" Will Turner exclaimed. Being the giant tool that he is, he thought that Anakin had just pulled out his three-foot-long anaconda.

Anakin held it up. "It's a lightsaber, you douche."

Will jumped back. And now he just ripped his own genitals off! Who was this creature!

A crowd had now gathered. Thankfully, most people there were a tad smarter than Will and Anakin combined. They knew that it was a lightsaber, which is a weapon, which is not a penis. Although I suppose that sometimes a penis can be a weapon. Just not right now.

**000000**

The only people in the room who seemed to not care very much about Anakin's lightsaber/anaconda/penis monster were Ocean's Eleven plus Jonathan J. Pryor II. They were playing poker. It was rather fun.

"Time for CIT… Woohoo…?" Virgil Malloy said, starting the Status Message game.

The Status Message game is a game in which everyone recites one of the status messages from people on The Author's buddy list.

"Midwest," Basher said.

"New Screen Name: Zeezle1219," was Linus Caldwell's contribution.

"Can I get a hoo ah for zombie apocalyptic mayhem?" Rusty Ryan asked.

JJ started to laugh very hard. Everyone gave him a look. They thought he was kind of annoying.

"Um… Give me back my pants!" he said, trying to make up for his stupidity.

Ocean's Eleven laughed.

"Bah!" Turk Malloy spazizzled.

They looked at him like he was coocoo for CoCoPuffs. Which he was. I mean, honestly, who isn't?

"Sorry," he apologized.

Rusty Ryan ate an ice cream cone. Little did he know, there was something else going on…

**000000**

It smelled like buttery broccoli.

Dawn was in the very front of the donut circle around Will Turner and Anakin Skywalker. Hahahaha, Skywalker. What a weird name. Dawn laughed out loud.

Actually, all of Baruch was in the front of the crowd. They had caused the crowd. They saw that the object of their affection was doing something, so they absolutely _needed_ to watch. Because they were so madly in love with him.

"You got it, Will!" Dawn cried. Woohoo.

"You got it, Anakin!" someone cried from the opposite side of the donut.

It was –GASP- Ginny and the Monotonous Girl with the Udders/MGU/Patricia "Patty" Pryor! They had started their own Club of Girls Who Have Very Big Crushes on Men Who Have Lightsaber Anaconda Things and Whose Names Are Anakin Skywalker Even Though George Lucas Wanted it to be Skykiller and Who Then Turn into Darth Vadar Who is Big and Dark and on Life Support. Or CGWHVBCMWHLATWNASETGLWSWTDVWBDLS for short. Or Mew Hat. Don't ask.

"Are you trying to mess with the almightly power of Baruch?" Paige Michaelchuck asked challengingly.

Ginny nodded, jutting her chin out.

"Well, it. Is. On." Dawn informed them. "Mark. My. Words. It. Is. On."

"On like the lights in the living room are on? I have no idea…" Ginny wondered aloud.

"No, it. Is. On, stupid," Hermione said. Then she jumped back and covered her mouth with her hand, realizing that she had just insulted her one and only true friend Ginevra Weasley! But then she remembered that she was stupid. And had ditched her to have a lesbian party with the MGU, Patty Pryor.

"Catfight!" Harry Potter screamed, diving into the ring and shoving Anakin and Will out of the way so that the girls could have a hot and sweaty catfight where they ripped each other's clothes off.

"Woohoo!" Ron cheered. "Except for the fact that my sister will be a part of it…"

They set up lawn chairs and leaned back as R2D2 and C3PO served them drinks.

"Thanks, ladies," Ron said, not realizing that he was receiving his drinks from two droids. He looked up. "Bloody hell! Go away! We want ladies!"

"Right away, sir," R2D2 said in his obnoxious echoey British voice.

Just as the girls were getting into the narsiest and most sexilicious part of their catfight (someone had created a mudpit for them to do their business in. Randy business, that is), Elanore Nash came over. Earlier, Ron and Ellie had had a long, long-lost cousin relative conversation, and Ellie discovered that she had a twang of magical twinginess in her juices! Now she was having fun playing around and making things –POOF- with her wand. That she found on the ground.

As she approached Ron and Harry on their lawn chairs, front row center of the mudpit, she flicked her wand and sent Ron's very alcoholic beverage spilling onto his magically toned chest.

"You WHORE!" he cried, jumping up menacingly and getting all up in her grill.

She threw a grill at him. He ducked and sat back down, magiking the alcohal away. He just sent the new bitches that R2D2 had retreived for him to go get him some more. Ron really had much less of a temper than he pretended he did.

Ellie ran away crying. Kathryn took her place.

"It is complete," she said, her eyes darting about the room, tapping her fingertips against each other right in front of her face, in a rather Mr. Burns from the Simpsons-like manner.

"Woo!" Harry cheered from his seat. His cheer was half directed toward a half naked Ginny and half directed toward a half insane Kathryn.

"I have the perfect blackmail for Rusty Ryan," she said with a slimy smirky smirk.

Harry licked his lips. Ron spat some alcohal into his cuspidor.

Kathryn pulled it out and showed them the blackmail. It was black. And mail. Chain mail. Ha, ha. They were giddy with delight!

**000000**

Jay and Alex were sick of waiting. They decided that this was the opportune moment. The Author really likes the phrase "opportune moment". Thank you, Jack Sparrow.

"No problem," the car greasey pirate said with a wink.

Suddenly a lot of sand came out of the ceiling. Everyone stopped moving for quite some time. It wasn't because of the sand; they were just very confused. Who would make sand come out of the ceiling?

The answer to their thoughts were just around the corner, doubled over laughing in a gaggle of insane Alex and Jay. They thought sand from the ceiling was ingenious. Little did they know that all it did was scratch a lot of corneas, which is painful.

Luckily Madame Pomfrey knows a right quick charm for that.

Suddenly a ghost burst through the wall. Except ghost's can't really burst. Ghost in the machine.

"ARGHASDKFJALSIDUFLEKAJXSLDKJEIALAARGHHH!" it screamed menacingly.

The students blinked. The crickets chirped. The Brits played cricket.

"Right-o," Harry shimmied, his voice drowned out by the awkward silence.

"Who dares spill sand from the ceiling!" it asked. No one answered. "No, seriously." He huffed. "God, this would be so much easier if you all would just answer my questions and be afraid."

"Hey, look, it's Rick!" Emma realized dramatically.

"Rick?" 

"Rick!"

"Rick!"

"Rick!"

"Rick!"

"Rick the prick!"

Everyone was quiet again. Harry just wanted to join in. It was only Degrassi people who were yelling Rick. Because they were they only people who knew who the late Rick is. And they didn't quite know how to react.

"Where are the vile beginners of this fray?" Rick asked, attempting at menacing again, but only reaching pussy.

Everyone shrugged. It was a collective shrug. There was a collection pot going around. Harry smoked it.

Rick flew out the door and found Alex and Jay laughing on the other side.

"DKJFALSKDJFLAKSJDFLKAJSDLAAAAARRGHHHHHHHH!" he screamed in their faces.

Alex coughed. Jay blew his nose.

"DAMMIT! Why aren't I scary?" Rick cursed himself.

"Because you're Rick," Jay explainedddd.

"Yes, you're Rick," Alex concurred. Yo, ho, ho, I used it correctly!

"-COUGHRickthePrickCOUGH-" Jay medicined.

"Whatever. You guys are major douches to the maxIMUM and I came here to avenge my death. Clearly it's not working!" And with a huff and a puff and a blow the house down he disappeared.

**000000**

**A/N: **I really feel like that wasn't very good… So please review and tell me what you think. Even if you say something negative. Thanks for your feedback! I'll give you an iPod if you review.


End file.
